That is true. Children are the one that suffer and affected.
But it does not mean that people who are married and one have hard hearts will stay in one roof.
That is why Moses law of divorce came.
As Jesus did also understand that God does not want people divorced or be departed from each other, but because of the HARD HEARTS of people that causes division and heart problems and family destruction then the law of divorce and separation came in the picture.
7 “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”
8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.”
The hard heart means of a person without the character of love.
And I would admit myself honestly that, I made terrible mistakes, and I can only stand for my own and not the faults my ex had done against me. Because it is for Gods sake I must mind my own business or issues. So.. let's get back to the topic.,
Love itself consists in
1 Corinthians 13 : 4-7
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
In some cases, when people are not matured enough to face the fact that their partners are not as what they expect them to be, they become cold, when the person is self centered and full of pride thinking "I know this is right, follow what I say or else" ; " I am right, don't tell me I'm wrong",
I know by experience that the expectations of my ex towards me was too demanding and I could not stand enough. Although I am a strong willed woman and a strong follower of Jesus, I balanced and tried for many years to stay in my marriage. But what hurts my children most was when they saw me and their dad fighting and shouting hurtful words against each other. While we are fighting.. we are actually showing our kids how we treat each other and that I tell you, is without love.
Of course, I managed to tell my kids exactly what it's all about. I did not tell them every details but told them that what we did was not right and my little boy said to me once when he was 6 " mama, know that I love you, and I don't want to see you crying. I love papa also but I don't want him to hurt you anymore" and the police came along and carried us away.
It was then I understood, that no matter how much you ignore your kids, they understand more than adults do. And I surrendered to God and filed a divorce.
I failed some time even under divorce, I made stupid things I shouldn't do and I hurt him also.
It was hurting for the children to know Mama is not gonna live in the house anymore.. and they would cry day and night when I see them and leave them every other week to their dad. And they sob and cry when to go to my house.
But I told them that God wants every family to be whole with love.
And you know what?
My ex was very much in a bad attitudes, he would curse me to hell, and he would speak bad against me. But I stood in the word of God and made myself calm and trust Him although in my deepest, I would like to beat him and be the worst enemy.
But God reminded me, " You are my child, you are created in my image, it is about time you take courage to trample the enemy at your foot and show kindness to those who hate you and love your neighbour as thyself "
Well Lord God, that was difficult to do. For in the first place, I was beaten up by his hurtful words, I was sometimes hit by his slap, where would in my heart I am going to do good for him?
And God said " No one is good in all earth, everyone is a sinner, forgive him and I will make everything new. Speak to your children what love means. And ask forgiveness to your children for you also have hurt them. Trust me and I will give you peace"
And I did.
It was indeed a struggle to speak with my Kids and ask for forgiveness and my son at the age of 7 told me " Mama, I understand that you are happy now, I see it when you hug me. I forgive you mama. And I'm happy to be with you everytime." And my daughter says " mama you are the best, because you are not shouting at me and you teach us how to love and how God loves us. You teach us so much about God. I hope papa will also see what love is"
I couldn't help but cry and thank God for giving me patience and endurance after all the pain I got through. My children became my teacher at those moments.
I see the perspective of God through children.. they have a simple faith in God.
And their innocence had made them understand clearly enough, not like adults who thinks more of other things in consideration rather than thinking of the whole things simply to find a solution.
It's not easy to move on, but with self will and God's strength and mercy, You will surely do it.
So if you are a wife that struggles in a difficult/mind abuse marriage, I encourage you to strive harder to become Godly and commit yourself God because you can't do it yourself. And your mind will be burnout, but if you are God and pray to Him, He will send you His Spirit and will lead you how to become strong and courageous to do what the will of God is.
But if you are staying in a physically abusive marriage, please pray and ask God to help you to deliver you out of danger and harm. Because abusive relationship also means of hard hearts, Wether by words or physical acts.
The children in this kind of separation must be talked to. Parents whom can't stay together must atleast talk to each other and be nice to each other because the subject is not about them anymore. The subject between them is done and the Subject now is the children. So give time to them and express Love and compassion to them.
Be honest with your children. You may not tell them sensitive details but atleast tell them it's not their fault, and atleast tell them that both does not workalong together and that love to each other is not there anymore. And when time comes they'll ask again of it, when kids are old enough to understand, then you can tell details.
♡ Teach the kids the Word of God. Read them the Bible.
♡ Never stop telling kids you love them,
♡ Never stop teaching kids what love means according to God.
♡ Continue to encourage kids in what they are good at.
♡ Continue to go out or take some coffee break some time as a family.
♡ Continue to date your kids and involve them in your life.
♡ Show them a good example and do not expose them to materialistic world.
♡ Tell the kids the bad effects of cigarettes, drugs and alcohol.
♡ teach the kids how to dress modestly.
I hope that this had helped you.
A testimony Ican share.