Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Life in the west

Stress and depression in winter time!

Well I am writing again, as I have none to talk to.
Lately, my life was very busy of all the odds I'm facing. I have my own 
apartment just as I have always wanted. I am still not used to look around without my kids in sight.
I miss them so badly I feel dying. 

Outside the window is 19degress celsius. Its quite cold but enough to waken up my senses.
My neighborhood is kinda quite, of course its almost elders who live here. A little further out of the building where I live, is a little passage, sort of a forest with a little landscape. The ground is not realy covered with snow yet, but its absolutely freezing cold. It looks busy outside. But I am still clinging here with my memories back then, many of memries to remember. I dont have time to bring them back all at once, but they usually visits me in times like this.

Life is a little chaos right now, I need someone to talk to. I dont know who. But in my feelings right now, I feel numb or was it just my imagination that runs too fast. I miss the childrens laughter and how they run and jump all over me. The touch of their face. Well I sound so isolated, yes I do. My kids are with their father at the moment, looking forward to have them this weekend, hopefully..

This weather could kill me sooner, I just wish that days and months would just go by so fast to come nearer to Summer..I like summer, the sun, trees, flowers, grass and keeping out of this horrible clothings that weighs more than my head. I wish I could just leave but I cant, I cant afford to leave yet, my kids are still here, maybe later when they are on the right age. Oh, I dont know what to do now, maybe ill sleep this over.. Depression makes my head spins a lot and think too much of things beyond my expectations. Stressed by the situation looking after myself on how I could even survive. I wish I could do something....