Out For Air

Would it be possible to get out and think that when you inhaled fresh air, it would really help you to sooth your body's need of oxygen, and maybe.., yes maybe... it would even lessen your stress and give your brain some stimulans?

I woke up with an extreme headache and felt so anxious. I would blame it again for the weather but I guess I would blame it more on myself. I sleep late last night, I was busy, my mind was thinking too much things. Maybe it was not a good idea to share you what i was thinking then, It would just make you feel gross about it. 

I was chatting, netsurfing, facts, documentaries and seeking some funny pictures online. Well thats the only world I know for now, these digital world had made life a little bit busier for the modern people.

Time is 11 am and I must get up, got to meet some friend down the centrum. Have to have some fresh air i think, and see some new faces. I never knew it is very tiring to see my face everyday hahaha. I did get tired of my own face so I need to refresh my eyes in seeing new things and meeting new people, or they are not new but they seem new everytime hahaha coz i dont go out often. I go out through google surfing most of the time. hahaha

So, im all dressed up and going to meet Nori, shes a sweet young lady, married, thin pretty and sweet. I like her, I keep thinking wish I was thin like her, ahh but that was when I was 15 then. Now damn!! I am already 28. almost a decade hahahah..

We went to a secondhand butik and just looking for some old stuff, then after thirty minutes, we have to meet hezel. she is my old time friend. I like her too. Shes amazing.

Walking down town, time spent for having some coffee break, chatting and babbling, almost nonsense babbling but it was fun.- It made my mind busy though, at a time I made my brain refreshed and stiumulae are on. Eyes got tired, acid are bubbling in my stomach but Im alright.

So, I tell you, never loose hope. Take a deep breath whenever you feel down. Life have its ups and downs but if yours are always down, you yourself have to find some way to make it Ups... 

Get out!! Make friends, but maybe with limits! See things, new things!! and meet new people, sure people or maybe pretending to be people...hahahha I dont know...! try to do something..

so heres some pics..

Melodifestval 2014

Sweden's warming up for the Melodifestival with their contestants regarding the contribution to the Upcoming  EUROVISION 2014...

Now is the highlight of the preparation of Sweden for the Melodifestival. Their contestants are burning for their passion aiming to be the representative on the upcoming Eurovision 2014... The winner of the Melodifestival will be the representative of Sweden in the Eurovision Contest..

The live transmission is aired on SVT1 every saturday since the 1st of february until 8th of march.

Here are some contributions...

De tävlande:

1. Outtrigger – Echo

Låtskrivare: Outtrigger, Joy Deb, Linnea Deb, Anton Malmberg Hård af Segerstad

2. EKO – Red 

Låtskrivare: Joy Deb, Linnea Deb, Anna Lidman, Hannes Lundberg och Michael Ottosson

3. Oscar Zia – Yes We Can

Låtskrivare: Fredrik Kempe, David Kreuger och Hamed Pirouzpanah

4. Shirley Clamp – Burning Alive

Låtskrivare: Bobby Ljunggren, Henrik Wikström, Marcos Ubeda och Sharon Vaughn

5. State of Drama – All We Are 

Låtskrivare: Göran Werner, Emil, Gullham, Sanken Sandquist och Sebastian Hallifax

6. CajsaStina Åkerström – En enkel sång

Låtskrivare: CajsaStina Åkerström

7. Ace Wilder – Busy Doin’ Nothin 

Låtskrivare: Ace Wilder, Linnea Deb och Joy Deb

8. dr. alban & Jessica Folcker – Around the World

Låtskrivare: dr. alban, Jakke Erixson och Karl-Ola Kjellholm

Credits to: Reporter Emma Petersson 

Source: svt.se/melodifestival

Life in Winter...

Winter is the the moment when life freezes for a while but to humans, its just another season of striving harder!

I am looking through the window again today, the snow was thick the other day. Now is already february and ive not seen the snow stayed for while. It was okay though its very cold. How I wish there'd be snow so it will make the day lighter and brighter. Its dark in winter, these long months causes me depression and loneliness. 

I hear people talk about global warming, as I tend to pull my wallet out of my bag, im standing infront of the cashier on a grocery store. I could hear people murmuring and complaining its too cold outside, so i dared to look at them and they were blondies. How come they're not used to this weather? They grew up here, look at me, an immigrant and not even complaining all the time about these weather. Ahh, too much, so i rushed to pay the cashier and run to my apartment. I noticed it had affected me about what Ive heard, coz i came in rushing to my door just to warm myself. Then looking out the window again, I could see the heaven is so dark that it almost speaks of agony. 

There was nothing much to do in winter for me, I have my study, I have a little job, but after all these years I am not glad to see the heaven sad. The sun is sometimes visiting here in the west, but not too long. I feel more than a zombie, my skin looks paled and my lips are dry. I need some vitamin D. The wind is blowing painfully on my cheekbone as it says it can torture me physically.

Winter, how I wish you could freeze my life too. In a moment I can sleep from all of the things that disturb my mind. How I wish I could sleep just like what you do to trees. You make them freeze and take all of its old leaves, would you try to do that to me too? would you even try to freeze me and remove all the past both good and bad and just let me rest for many months..

Well maybe that is why I try to sleep, but even when I sleep I  still feel my agony in me. It haunts me deep in sleep. Maybe because I am alone and missing my kids, my family in homeland too. There is no one around me now, all i hear is my own voice, the tv when it is open. and the echoes I create whenever I am moving myself. 

Winter, show me some light of yours, let your snow fall from haven telleing me you feel me too..

I need a bright light to lessen my sorrow...or most, maybe I need some hug from someone who cares for me......

Life in the west

Stress and depression in winter time!

Well I am writing again, as I have none to talk to.

Lately, my life was very busy of all the odds I'm facing. I have my own 

apartment just as I have always wanted. I am still not used to look around without my kids in sight.

I miss them so badly I feel dying. 

Outside the window is 19degress celsius. Its quite cold but enough to waken up my senses.

My neighborhood is kinda quite, of course its almost elders who live here. A little further out of the building where I live, is a little passage, sort of a forest with a little landscape. The ground is not realy covered with snow yet, but its absolutely freezing cold. It looks busy outside. But I am still clinging here with my memories back then, many of memries to remember. I dont have time to bring them back all at once, but they usually visits me in times like this.

Life is a little chaos right now, I need someone to talk to. I dont know who. But in my feelings right now, I feel numb or was it just my imagination that runs too fast. I miss the childrens laughter and how they run and jump all over me. The touch of their face. Well I sound so isolated, yes I do. My kids are with their father at the moment, looking forward to have them this weekend, hopefully..

This weather could kill me sooner, I just wish that days and months would just go by so fast to come nearer to Summer..I like summer, the sun, trees, flowers, grass and keeping out of this horrible clothings that weighs more than my head. I wish I could just leave but I cant, I cant afford to leave yet, my kids are still here, maybe later when they are on the right age. Oh, I dont know what to do now, maybe ill sleep this over.. Depression makes my head spins a lot and think too much of things beyond my expectations. Stressed by the situation looking after myself on how I could even survive. I wish I could do something....