|...IN THE CALMNESS OF THE OCEAN HIDES SOMETHING BURNING UNDERNEATH....|
I was so distressed these past few weeks. A little bit tired of myself and things around me.
Things had been running through my mind and it made a sudden pain into my heart.
Looking back of all the things I have been through... Oh you...!! You have no idea what I have been through... Depression and loneliness had attacked me and I could not hold on the tears from falling. Coz there are times that I am so happy and so overwhelmed, and rest of times am I so full of anguish that I could not see the bright side of this life.
Remembering those days when I were still in my fathers arms, when he still have the responsibility on me like I just didnt care.. Times with my siblings, those moment that responsibility is far away from the mind.. And play is only the central thing I am available to.
Yet i have responsibility as an elder sister, but it was not that tempting and heavy.
Few years afterwards, look at me?? I am a full grown woman now..
Running my life, got married and have two children.
Which way I have walked thru doesn's seem so clear until now. The responsibility I have heared from my father took over me now. And family, studies, children, a mothers responsibility..
It is a fact that things just go in circles. Either u run from it or you take it. So I have chosed to carry the responsibility and it is extremely painful to think that can't i have a day just to look over how I ever look like?
But these pain I feel, I wish will pass away.. Somehow I know I will be able to manage it by the help of the Lord. This anguish is just a trial to see how far I can hold on.... which sometimes I wanted to let go.
And I am only human, I would have not known when will the agony coming back. Or what might going to happen tomorrow.. But then, the next time it will come back.., surely I am prepared to manage it.